Smoothie Application
Mike forwarded me this smoothie job posting on craigslist.
This was my submission (I have yet to hear back):
To Whom It May Concern:
My name is Martin Zager. I am applying for the position of “Smoothie Technician”. I have eight questions:
1. If hired would I be able to provide kiwi or radishes for smoothies, or are blueberry and strawberry-banana the only mandatory ingredients?
2. I have excessive body hair — will that constitute a problem?
3. I’m afflicted with what my doctor has described as “morning wood” — will that be an issue?
4. My typical morning ritual from 5AM-1130AM is to play the complete libraries of 1) Neil Diamond 2) Color Me Badd and 3) Huey Lewis & the News on my ghetto-blaster — I was wondering, is your kitchen far enough away from your bedroom so you won’t hear my ghetto-blaster?
5. My ghetto blaster is broken — do you have one?
6. If I were to invite my friend Pedro over, would he be able to bring his bike with him and do some totally sweet jumps?
7. My girlfriend wants to know if I can make out with her on your linoleum — that’s cool, right?
8. I have half an arm and a chronic phobia of spinning blades and any kind of kitchen ‘machinery’ — instead of using your blender can I use my stump to mash the fruit for your smoothie?
Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to hearing from you.
Martin Zager
