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Today marks the beginning of a three day weekend. The three day weekend was invented in the early 1900s by Phinneaus Q. Three, who declared it “an uncivil bore to trudge through weeks without an extra day off”. Phinneas stood up for the American worker by placing “bags of poo” on President William Taft’s doorstep [...]

Last night Fantasia Barrino won American Idol. Last night I poked at my belly button a little — Two events that will affect history very little. But good for her, the baby mama…so America isn’t racist after all.
A little while ago, I won a ‘French cooking class’ auction for splumtificular Ms. Carrie at one of [...]

The Sissification of the American Male in the 21st Century:
Why the Season 3 Finale of “24″ Sucked My Ass

By Martin Zager
We can all agree that after a long, hard day of work — where your co-worker’s hand might get chopped off, you kick heroin, your offspring is put repeatedly put in peril — [...]

I was born about 835 million seconds ago. At that same exact time around 4:15pm on Wednesday, December 7, 1977, Jimmy Carter was meeting with his press secretary just a couple miles down the road on Pennsylvania Ave.Northeastish, 240 miles away Peter Carl Goldmark, inventor of the LP and developer of the color TV [...]

I was exposed to the deafening swarm of the cicada this weekend… taking a walk through Great Falls Park in VA, I couldn’t even hear myself think about how nasty they are.
DidTheyReadIt.COM launches today, hopefully making spammers finally aware of the millions upon millions of people that are not reading their messages.
Screening in Bethesda [...]

Yesterday morning I saw my first cicada in Centreville — hours after posting that I HADN’T. God is one wacky guy, eh? Only He’d do something zany like that… that and make the platypus and Dustin Diamond.
Alanis was on Stern yesterday AM performing her new song “Everything”. One of the first words in the song [...]

I have NOT found a cicada in my town of Centreville, VA yet. (Knocking on wood) No bloody altars, no dead virgins lying on the street, either. The only ones I’ve seen have been around Arlington, VA. So I’d like to thank Lincoln Properties and every other land developer bulldozer, contractor and subcontractor in Centreville, [...]

In inaccurate world news, Chris Martin And Gwyneth Paltrow have genetically engineered their child to be an Apple.
Last weekend, Smarty Jones lost the Triple Crown and committed triple homicide. Three jockeys were found in a Maryland stall with hoofprints on their face matching those of Jones. Jones is being questioned by equine homicide. Asked [...]

Friday night was a big BIG dinner at DC’s Bucca Di Beppo. The portions there are enormous, designed to be shared with large, stereotypical Italian familes — but the casual diner can eat there too. Try the “Pope” room. It seats around 20 in a shrine-like room to the Pope complete with photos, statues and [...]

Apparently the now classic Debbie Downer sketch I posted last week was a hit. Nearly 1,500 people came from near and far to view it. Again, mad props to Jason Skidmore for the quick encoding. Sorry you got effed for being the first one on the block with it, Jason:
(From his website:)If you saw the [...]